I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I party with great urgency now.
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