I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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