There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
