Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
