His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
