Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize