K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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