TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
