Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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