btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
