Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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