not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
