Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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