yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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