she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
