Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
