my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
4 words: hood of his car
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
