when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
