I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life is pants optional.
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