The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
