Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize