Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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