Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
