I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
