So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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