i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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