A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
