A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
