dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Even my vagina gasped.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
