he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
