my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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