so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize