Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
