alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The air was thick with penises
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
