Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
