OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we should paint friendship bongs
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