areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
