im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize