I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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