I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
