I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
