There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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