No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
