If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
