there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
