I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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