I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
