Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
