I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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