Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
