woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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