is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
