i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize