Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
