Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize