I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
