tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
