I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
