It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Boobs are out for the taking
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
