I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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