belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize