Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
