I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its not stalking. its research.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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