I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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