Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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